A Post About Everything and Nothing

As I sit here attempting to edit my super-intense paper and trying to decide whether or not the Constitution should have been ratified (as anti-patriotic as that sounds, it's really not), my thoughts are jumbled and bouncing all over the place.  And so, I shall come and type and attempt to de-jumble them, in hopes of procuring a decent blog post.
Is procuring the right word?

Isn't it odd how certain words that you only hear once in a while sometimes pop back into your head, and you think, "wow, I would sound really educated if I were to utilize that word!" But then you kind of try too hard and end up sounding uneducated because you didn't use it correctly?
Yeah.
It's like that t-shirt that says: "Sometimes I use big words so as to sound photosynthesis." That's me.

This little stretch between Thanksgiving and Christmas is a struggle, because although I know that I positively adore learning and enjoy reading and studying, trying to push through the assignments with the knowledge that, in two weeks, I can lay on my bed and crochet and watch endless episodes of Grey's Anatomy to my heart's content...yeah i lost where that sentence was going.
In conclusion, it's difficult.
I like to be deep and read stuff.  On Thanksgiving I picked up my copy of Greek Tragedies I from the TAC Summer Program and re-read Oedipus Rex, then rambled passionately to my mom about fate and prophecy over some delicious appetizers...Namely, pretzels, herb chips, and jalapeno cream cheese, because we're classy.

Jalepeno cream cheese is really good.  I don't know whether it comes from living in the Southwest where we're heavily influenced by the hispanic culture, whether it's something to do with the desert heat, or whether I inherited my dad's love for spicy food, but I love jalapenos. Jalapeño cream cheese...Jalapeños in sandwiches...Jalapeño mac and cheese... Mmm. Jalapeños.

I wonder how chopped jalapeños would be in scrambled eggs.. I bet they're good.

See, I have a thing for scrambled eggs.  They're my go-too food for when I want something that's tasty and relatively healthy.  They're just so delicious and light and fluffy and good with cheese and good with basically whatever you want to put in them.  I always make them with salt, crushed red pepper flake, onion and garlic powder, and sometimes a bit of paprika.  Then with a slice of whole-wheat toast and fresh fruit.. mm-mm-mmm!

The first month in to my first and only dating relationship, I found out that he (my ex) didn't like scrambled eggs.  That was the moment our relationship started going downhill. I knew he wasn't for me.  I wish I was kidding.
It lasted a few more months but when it ended I was like: "It was the Scrambled Eggs. I knew it."
From now on, one of the first questions on my first date with future potential husbands will be "Do you like scrambled eggs?" (It will come after 'Are you Catholic?' but before 'Do you enjoy intellectual discussion?')

I mean, scrambled eggs weren't the reason the relationship ended...or were they? Were the scrambled eggs a metaphor for the scrambled eggs in our young sixteen-year-old-hormonal brains? My eggs were scrambled.  His eggs were most certainly scrambled.
Heh. Scrambled eggs.

Scrambled eggs.
"Good in the stomach, bad in the brain."

I wonder how many times I've typed "eggs" in this post.

I am equally excited and nervous to go to college, primarily for the reason that's apparent here; although I surely enjoy deep discussions and intellectual endeavours, I'm also a sucker for good, light fun.  I like puns.  And, of course, scrambled eggs, but that's besides the point right now.  The college I'm going to will require a lot of seriousness about studies, which I know I'm capable of, and I know I have the potential to do well...But I also want to have fun! I think I will. I'm sure I will.

Sometimes I wonder why people don't take Thomas Aquinas seriously.  Because in reality, we try to figure out life, determine the truths about the world, and discover our purpose.  But Thomas Aquinas has already done that! Why reinvent the wheel?! We all take Aristotle seriously.  Why don't we take Aquinas seriously?

Society doesn't really think about Aquinas as a great philosopher.  They see him as another crazy church theologian.  But theology is truth, it's not crazy!
Although I have mixed feelings about that God's not Dead movie, my favorite part was when he says, "admitting the existence of God is not committing intellectual suicide." Because it's not!

Admitting the existence of God and following the Church is emotionally, spiritually, AND intellectually invigorating!

Do you ever get that feeling where you're driving in the car or making dinner or going for a walk or studying, then all of a sudden something pops into your head.  You have a thought, a moment of enlightenment, and your whole body just tingles and your heart feels light.  I keep getting that off and on.  It used to only happen once in a while, but now that I'm doing more studying, it seems to happen once or twice a week.  It's invigorating! I think it's little moments of the Beatific Vision on earth, which is pretty darn cool.

People in youth group think I'm crazy.

I think the most fulfilling thing one can do on earth is give to another person.  I absolutely adore making and giving gifts -- it's my favorite part of Christmas!

Do you ever look at your gifts and talents and feel like you have potential, but get scared because you don't know what to do with it? I do. Every day.  I know that I have a jumble of stuff I like, a variety of stuff I'm good at, but they all seem unrelated, and very few of them give me great joy.
There's so much pressure to figure out what you want to do at such a young age and it's overwhelming.  My mom didn't discover how much she adored teaching until she was in her 40's, and now she loves it - she teaches CCD and does tutoring in addition to teaching my brother and me.
She was talking to me the other day and said, "how much more good could I have done if I had realized this sooner?"
Then I thought of Oedipus Rex.
Fate.
Fate is not predestination, because predestination is not a thing.  But fate ... it was always going to happen because it would.  It happened because it did. Est quid est. It is what it is. 

Sometimes when I get distracted from school, I look out the window and it feels like my soul has been torn open and all of its contents are spilling out into the world around me.  I get a funny feeling in my stomach as I think of everyone who has hurt me or betrayed me in some way; yet, I don't harbor the anger at them.  It's more the frustration that I've allowed myself to be torn open.  It's not a good feeling...but it always goes away.
"Above all else, guard your heart..."

If I had to define myself with a meme, it would be the Socially Awkward Penguin meme:

Well, I think that's about it. I should get back to my paper now.  I got some of my thoughts out and now my eggs are less scrambled.